i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
