OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize