Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
