I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
