I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
