I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
