On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
