I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
