I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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