Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
