Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just found a bag of teeth...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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