Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
