i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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