Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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