what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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