Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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