I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
