omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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