I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Your cock deserves a montage
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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