she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
