grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
