tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
