Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
