Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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