The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
