so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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