At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
