So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize