Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
