My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
