im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
