I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize