I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
