Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
