who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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