So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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