i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
