I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
