So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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