So drunk its hurt
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
