Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Randomize
