So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
