I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
