new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
