ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Houston, we have a blender
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
