i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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