she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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