my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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