My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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