omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize