It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize