tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
