Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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