he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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