I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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