uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
