oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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