You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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