shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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