She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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