I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
