I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
