he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
