Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
