He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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