Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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