ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
