Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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