glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
