im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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