speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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